Guest Stars: The Best of the Worst (and just the worst)

Afternoon, dears! In continuing with the weeklong Gossip Girl countdown, today I'm going to list the MOST RIDICULOUS GUEST STARS EVER TO GRACE THE GG SET. Now, usually I'm not one for negativity, especially when it comes to something I love as much as Gossip Girl, but this is one "Lamest Of" List I just couldn't resist making. In my defense, a big part of why I love GG so much is its occasional ridiculousness, and said ridiculousness is often enhanced by the inclusion of insanely annoying characters. What I plan to do today is make a list of the most ridiculous crop of guest stars featured on GG, ever. I'll explain what makes them so ridiculous and then decide whether the show would have been better off without them altogether or whether they're actually kinda fun to watch. (Verdicts will be either "Voted off the island" or "So bad they're good.") Oh, and you already know how I feel about Sebastian Stan if you've been reading, so I'm not going to continue to beat the poor guy up. I know in some earlier posts I mentioned how he's probably the biggest and most unnecessary slimeball on GG, but when I got to thinking about who to include in this post, I realized that the show has not been short on plenty of other ridiculous characters. Maybe Carter's not SO bad.


ACTRESS: Krysten Ritter, referred to by the New York magazine GG-recap-writers as "the poor man's Zooey Deschanel"...BAHAHAHAHA.
SEASON: 2
CHARACTER: Carol Rhodes, Lily's sister/best galpal who is pretty much never mentioned ever again after this episode.
RIDIC FACTOR: OK. First can we talk about how this entire '80s flashback episode was the true low point of season 2? Though I was pretty lukewarm about the idea of an entire SERIES about Lily's pre-Serena life in the '80s (Valley Girls, a proposed spinoff), this barely-disguised pilot did have the potential to be a good episode on its own. I'm tempted to just lump everyone involved with this episode (minus the core cast) in the "OFF THE ISLAND" category. Even cute little Brittany Snow was obnoxious as Young Lily. And the "rugged motorcycle dude/livin' on tips" guy as her romantic foil/"Opposites Attract" embodiment was just NOT working for me. (Note to both casting directors and stylists: Pulling off the "'80s Bad Boy" look does not equal channeling John Stamos in the early days of Uncle Jesse.) ANYWAY, onto Krysten: had we ever even heard of Carol until this episode? Maybe, but even I don't remember that. And have we heard about her since? No. OK...now that I'm trying to write about Krysten herself I realize that it was just the whole episode that was ridiculous. She was probably 1/100th of it.
VERDICT: Voted off the island.


ACTOR: John Patrick Amedori
SEASON: 2
CHARACTER: Aaron Rose, Serena's "brooding artist" (read: Serena-obsessed, facial expression-lacking, serial killer type) boyfriend.
RIDIC FACTOR: A picture is worth a thousand words, especially THAT one!! What a spindly little sketcher. Creepy molestistache, beady rodent eyes, and "Oil Spill Chic" hairdo. Cyrus of all people is really actually supposed to be his dad?? There's no way...Wallace Shawn is more attractive than Aaron, and I mean that!! Apparently the GG writers and producers have taken good note of the fact that Cyrus is way more appealing than Aaron, because despite Cyrus's marriage to Eleanor Waldorf (which would make Aaron Blair's stepbrother and thus a [seemingly] somewhat important part of the show) we have never seen Aaron EVER again since he and S took that little vacay to Buenos Aires. Climax of Aaron Awkwardness came when he got the jumbotron in the middle of Times Square to show Serena's face, with Kings of Leon blasting in the background and S & A kissing on the ground below. Vomit.
VERDICT: I'm really torn here...but I'm going to have to go with "So bad, he's good" (he's fun to make fun of).


ACTOR: Armie Hammer (seriously...I just Wikipedia'd it...seriously, that's his name.)
SEASON: 2
CHARACTER: Gabriel Edwards, another one of Serena's icky beaus from season 2.
RIDIC FACTOR: Where to begin? Gabriel was allegedly from North Carolina, which didn't do much other than giving Blair opportunities to make "redneck" jokes. But was that a Southern accent, Gabe? Because it sounded to me like a throaty Darth Vader imitation sans mask. Also, G claimed to have "fallen in love" with Serena (which we later find out is not true, and then eventually, oh wait! yeah it is) literally hours after he broke up with Poppy. He talks to Serena like she's some kind of golden goddess. I can't take the froggy croaks in his voice, or the way all the characters on the show seem to think he's attractive (seriously?), or the way Serena says "Gaaaaaabriel." However, with such hilarious lines and heinous acting I just couldn't get enough.
VERDICT: So bad, he's good! ("I only have eyes for one girl...and she is the most exquisite thing I have ever seen..." "Serena didn't STEAL me. She swept me away...")


ACTRESS: Tamara Feldman
SEASON: 2
CHARACTER: Poppy Lifton, Gabriel's on-and-off girlfriend and partner in crime (literal crime, a Ponzi scheme. And no, I didn't learn that investor terminology from Chuck Bass, what are you talking about?)
RIDIC FACTOR: Poppy and Gabriel, presumably, are supposed to be the same age as Serena and co., but they talk to each other like they're 40. Poppy is also a true "fauxalite" as Chuck so aptly names her. P & G seem to try channeling Bonnie & Clyde but just end up looking and acting like a couple of monkeys. I can't say, however, that it wasn't entertaining.
VERDICT: So bad, she's good. And I liked some of her outfits.


ACTRESS: Joanna Garcia
SEASON: 3
CHARACTER: Bree Buckley, Nate's girlfriend (briefly, but with Nate, it's always brief, with the exception of B&N round 1). He quickly discovered that she was a member of the Vanderbilts' Big Rival Family. Oh, star-crossed love...so sad. Not. At least in this case.
RIDIC FACTOR: Let me put it to you in these simple terms: If the WB networks were a college, and Gossip Girl was a college class (a highly selective one, probably 400-level, with Professor Permission Required for online registration), Reba would NOT be a pre-requisite. In fact, it'd probably be a deal-breaker; the prof (read: casting director) would not allow anyone who had taken Reba to take such a sophisticated and intellectually challenging class like Gossip Girl. (Casting directors: Really? A 30-year old Reba alum to play NATE'S girl of the week? No. Just no.) Also, she had "history" with Carter Baizen. Gross. Of course she did.
VERDICT: Voted off the island. It wasn't that she was AWFUL, just that she was bland. And I couldn't get past thinking of her as Reba McEntire's daughter. I'd almost rather see Nate with someone like Georgina.


ACTRESS: Hilary Duff (Yes. Hilary Duff).
SEASON: 3
CHARACTER: Olivia Burke, Dan's "OMG I totally don't want this celebrity life because I'm so down to earth and real" movie star girlfriend.
RIDIC FACTOR: The sheer annoying-ness of this character was enough to make me ALMOST give up on season 3. The day LonelyBoy & O broke up I rejoiced. (See...'O' doesn't even sound right. If you're going to be a key player on Gossip Girl, you need to have a name that begins with a consonant. S, B, C, N, V, J, D...I'm seeing a pattern here...) Plus, look at that picture. She's wearing a fedora. Need I say more?
VERDICT: Voted off the island. GET GONE.

I embarrass myself a little bit more every day...5 days. XOXO.