In honor of V-Day I thought I'd share Time-Tested Tips & Tricks on how to make *THE* perfect mixtape of love songs for a "special friend" (I realize the mixtape is sadly antiquated, but I'm still going to call it a "mixtape" rather than a burned CD/playlist because the word "mixtape" conjures up too-cute thoughts of John Cusack characters and adorably angsty '90s slackers..."burned CD" just sounds so blah). Not that I have any Valentine to speak of (hence why I'm sitting here writing this rather than out frolicking in fields with a manfriend), but I do love a good lurve song.
Here's a track-by-track guide to making someone's heart melt (and hopefully making yourself look sorta cool/semi-eclectic in the process.)
*Editor's note: The provided tracks are some of my favorite fits for each category. Feel free to "borrow" from this list, but add some variety of your own, otherwise it's not a mixtape, it's just a list of songs you ripped off some girl's blog. Lame with a capital L.
TRACK 1: Semi-fast, Love-at-first-sight Classic
PERFECT EXAMPLE: "I've Just Seen a Face" by The Beatles.
Kick it off with something up-tempo and uplifting. Something recognizable. Something wonderful. Something that will have them "keep caaaaalllling [you] back again."
TRACK 2: KitschyKool SuperSweet Tune that Sounds Straight out of 1967 but is Actually Recent
PERFECT EXAMPLE: "Home" by Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros
OK, I admit I made up this "track type" only after I decided to include "Home." (Yeah, I know it was REALLY hard to tell that I had a specific song in mind when I came up with that category). But this song is just such a sublimely silly yet wonderful, heartfelt one that I just really wanted to include it.
TRACK 3 TYPE: Lyrically Lovely + Long Intro
PERFECT EXAMPLE: "This Must be the Place (Naive Melody)" by Talking Heads
For this category include a song that takes a little while to build. David Byrne's first ever love song is a perfect choice. I'm just obsessed with this song, really. But who wouldn't want to be told "Out of all those kinds of people, you've got a face with a view?" Aaaw.
TRACK 4 TYPE: Slooow Jam.
PERFECT EXAMPLE: "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye
The "Slow Jam" category is thin ice to be tiptoe-ing on. Be careful. Marvin Gaye is just about the only person in the world who can explicitly say "Let's Get it On" and still sound soulful and well-intentioned. Just remember: Modest is Hottest. "Let's Get it On" is just a classic. Don't include any Unnecessary Baby-Making Music; even with M. Gaye's explicit come-on, this song is still more acceptable than certain tracks from Boyz II Men or Luther Vandross.
TRACK 5 TYPE: Pure Poetry.
PERFECT EXAMPLE: "Love Minus Zero/No Limit" by Bob Dylan
"She doesn't have to say she's faithful, yet she's true like ice, like fire. People carry roses and make promises by the hours. My love, she laughs like the flowers; valentines can't buy her." I can't possibly do justice to the beauty of this song with an explanation. I was talking about the studio version from Bringing it all Back Home when I suggested including this, but just because it's awesome, check out the version below and watch how jeal poor Donovan gets of ole Bobby D:
TRACK 6 TYPE: Uptempo cheese-pop song.
PERFECT EXAMPLE "You Make My Dreams" by Hall & Oates
This is the song you include because it's just FUN to listen to. Also, let's be honest, you want to include it to show you don't take yourself too seriously, especially if so far you have an uber-pretentious playlist of Smiths outtakes and Conor Oberst before he calmed down post-puberty.
(Take note: I said UP-TEMPO CHEESEY. Think choppin' some cheddar rather than slowly, methodically pouring out nacho cheese. For instance, "Truly Madly Deeply" by Savage Garden is a DON'T. That's a fun song to belt in the car, but mainly because the lyrics are gag-worthy and therefore it's really fun to make dramatic faces as you sing. "Truly Madly Deeply" is not a bouncy-fun-pop-hit, and we're aiming for bouncy-fun-pop here. You want something breezy, something that you can hardly listen to without jumping up and spazzing out/breaking it down like an In-Love Fool Losin' His Cool (see JGL below). Oh, and please don't see my use of this song as an excuse to include LOML Joe Gordon-Levitt in my Valentine's Day post, even though it kind of is.)
TRACK 7 TYPE: '80s Synth-Pop Anthem
PERFECT EXAMPLE "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure
Ain't nothing like a little Robert Smith on His Happier Days to put someone you <3 in a good mood.
TRACK 8 TYPE: Modern Cover of a Golden Oldie
PERFECT EXAMPLE "Earth Angel" by Death Cab For Cutie
I've never really understood how he does it, but Ben Gibbard can pull off the doo-wop cover with flying colors. "Love you for ever and evermore," BG.
TRACK 9 TYPE: Heartfelt Words from a Powerhouse Voice
PERFECT EXAMPLE: "I Say a Little Prayer" by Aretha Franklin
The idea here is to include someone with a bombastic voice who often sings about how fantastically Fed Up they are. (Beyonce also comes to mind.) You know, just a look at one of their softer moments. Proof that "independent woman" and "man-hating nutjob" are not synonymous.
TRACK 10 TYPE: The Song About The Moment U Fell N LuuuVVVV
PERFECT EXAMPLE: "First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes
Conor Oberst is starry-eyed rather than teary-eyed and angsty-faced here. AKA he's in rare form. A lot of Bright Eyes purists take issue with this song because Conor is uncharacteristically happy here & the song was relatively successful commercially. Well, they can get their panties out of a wad. Who cares? It's beautiful. As many people as possible should know it.
TRACK 11 TYPE: Final Clincher
PERFECT EXAMPLE: "At Last" by Etta James
The Final Clincher should, as it should on ALL mixes, sound like a viable choice for Credit Rollin' Time at the end of a movie. You want an effective closer. Up-tempo usually works best, but my choice here wasn't fast; it all depends on the song. I trust your judgment.
So you definitely should include more than 11 tracks. Just come up with some of your own categories to mix it up in the middle- I'm getting lazy.
Final note: The following tracks are the only definite no-no's that immediately come to mind. This is serious biz, y'all, so read up:
1. "Your Body is a Wonderland." As much as I love John Mayer (um, hello, see the post directly preceding this one), it's just a little much to include this on a mix for someone. Even if the mixtape recipient actually DOES have "skin like porcelain" and "one pair of candy lips," this does not qualify as an exception. Sorry, it's a DON'T.
2."Going to the Chapel of Love" by The Shirelles. "Today's the day we'll say I do, and we'll never be lonely anymore because we're going to the chapel and we're gonna get married." Bebop-ing your head and snapping your fingers to this song, even with your significant other in the car next to you, is totally fine. However, using it to announce your intent to wed is not. Even if you think you're not trying to drop a hint, you probably are. Wearing a veil when you deliver the mixtape would probably be a more subtle move.
3. ANYTHING by anyone of the "Nickelhinderaughtystaind" school. This is NEVER acceptable under ANY circumstances and NOT cute, even as a joke. But if you have an urge to include a song of that genre, then you probably haven't even read this far because you probably can't read. Sorry if that sounds mean, but this is not me having a High Horse moment, it's me stating the truth-there is nothing remotely okay about Nickelback's existence or the fact that they are even a real band who goes on real tours..I would like to know who buys those tickets?? I don't know if this is true-it's just what I've heard-but supposedly in the modern ninth circle of hell, it's a little different than how Dante envisioned it. The ring surrounding the circle has been replaced by a huge wraparound stage, and the giants as described in the Inferno have been replaced by a startling new creature: Scott Stapp's body with Chad Krueger's voice. And hair. Thousands of these things. Singing a horrifying medley of "Higher" merged with "How You Remind Me" and that.. other hit Nickelback had.
So, the end. Happy Valentine's Day!!! For all lovebirds flying solo, remember Anna Margaret's mantra: "I am single, and I am okay!!" (Isn't that it, AM? I'm not making fun, I honestly want to know.) Or take comfort in Carrie Bradshaw's final, iconic voiceover in the Sex and the City series finale:
"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
Of course, her confidence MIGHT have had something to do with the fact that she finally found the Love of Her Life, but, you know, minor details.
^This wasn't anywhere on the track list, but here's a little Devendra for good measure. "wanna be your thing, your anything, your everything, oh yeah..."
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