At 4 years old, I made a book called "The Dog and the Book," and it was about a dog and a book.

With Gossip Girl on hiatus and my Christmas break still going strong, my Monday nights are pretty open lately.  So tonight I was all about VH1. Its ridiculousness is at an all-time high. Naturally I love it more than ever.  I was fortunate enough to catch the second episode of the new gem "Frank the Entertainer...In a Basement Affair." This show debuted last week (Jan. 3) and is all about 15 not-too-sharp (but kind of endearing) women vying for the attention of Frank.  Being an alum of several VH1 reality shows proved him noteworthy enough to snag his own spinoff... with such a thoroughly original, clever premise. (Oh wait...) 

Frank, 31, is a real charmer ("Man, I don't know WHAT Dana's talking about, but she's HOT!"); he lives with his over-the-top Italian parents and ostensibly sleeps in their basement. So it makes sense that 15 women would be willing to humiliate themselves on national TV to win his love. (That's a joke, but actually, once you meet the women, it starts to make sense).

In tonight's episode, Frank wanted to get to know the ladies better. They were each invited to prepare a 2-minute talent/craft/impressive feat.  (Coherent conversation qualified as an impressive feat, but there wasn't much of that, even though they all had plenty of time to prepare.) Then, at a given time, they came into his basement individually to perform the act (sketch much?) Frank timed each woman with his microwave.  Gotta keep it classy.

Frank lost points with me for not paying any attention to Cathy, who had the most impressive talent (balloon animals).  She was late for her basement appointment and thus ignored.  But five minutes later she became the show's token Drunk Mess, throwing a hot-tub hissy fit straight out of early-2000s Real World. I no longer felt bad for her.

Short, overly clingy Renee impressed Frank with her storytelling abilities she's had since a young age.  (Refer to the title of this post).  Jessica "danced." Mandy showed off her bartending skills and may have inadvertently gotten herself kicked off the show in the process (later in the episode, Frank's overbearing but hilarious mother takes a sip from a water bottle that a thoughtless someone apparently filled with vodka. Frank's mama does not appreciate this. Her words: "I don't care if you drink! I don't care if you kill yourself! I don't care if you drop dead of alcohol poisoning! Don't put liquor in my water bottle!")  Cut to Mom & Dad sitting Frank down for Real Talk: Mandy doesn't fit here, regardless of whether she was the water bottle culprit. What Mama says goes. Cut to Mandy standing on the curb. 

Probably the most poignant moment in the show came courtesy of Annie, who was intent on showing Frank the beauty of "making something out of nothing."  Nothing if not determined, Annie is shown digging through the trash, declaring her love for it ("it's materials people don't usually use") and marveling at the creative possibilities.  However, moments before her basement appointment, Annie admits to having her doubts. "I'm feeling nervous because I don't know if he's going to appreciate trash in the same way that I appreciate trash," she says, anxious and earnest. Well, maybe Frank won't, but Annie doesn't need to worry about me. I can definitely appreciate trash...my favorite kind is VH1. In small doses.