HOWEVER... Gossip Girl is on hiatus until March, and now the world is cold and clammy, a desolate cave where even the lights of fireflies can't shine. If you haven't sensed the shift in the climate, or noticed the sullen, weary faces of once-spirited children in the streets, obviously you've just been too overwhelmed by your own symptoms of withdrawal. You are wrapped up in your own case of the life-threatening illness LUST (Lack of Upper [east] Side Television). Well, never fear. Dr. Mary has plenty of quick-fix remedies to make life without new episodes feel a little more bearable. (Confession: These are helpful, but only temporary, and obvs will not match the level of excitement/renewal we'll have once GG returns on MARCH 8 (!!!!!!!!)). Get the medicine out. Get the countdown going.
1. Find out what Gossip Girl would say about YOU. Ha. Kind of lame, but a pretty solid distraction.
2. Incorporate Blair Waldorf lines into your daily life whenever possible/appropriate. Examples: "I can't believe I have to see my sworn enemy with Nancy Pelosi hair." "It was my pleasure! Oh, wait, no. It wasn't." "Do I smell...pork? And...cheese?" "It's so hard finding obedient minions." Remember these essentials: 1. Context for delivery must be perfect. 2. Delivery must be deadpan. 3. A headband must be worn during delivery.
2. Make a Gossip Girl playlist or series of burned CD's. Yes, there is a CD titled "Original Music Featured on Gossip Girl" that's also available on iTunes, but it barely scratches the surface of all the ridiculously good music that's been featured on the show (once again, shoutout to the lady of whose job I am eternally envious: ALEX PATSAVAS, luh you guh)... Make your playlist based on which songs have stood out to you throughout the seasons, but if you need help getting started, these are the VITAL inclusions IMHO- not necessarily the "best" songs that have been featured on the show, but definitely the most evocative of GG's aesthetics/attitude/atmosphere:
"Young Folks" ~ Peter Bjorn & John
"Sour Cherry" ~ The Kills
"Hard to Live in the City" ~ Albert Hammond Jr.
"Moth's Wings" ~ Passion Pit
"I Feel it All" ~ Feist
"Hang Me Up to Dry" ~ Cold War Kids
"U.R.A. Fever" ~ The Kills
"Apologize" ~ Timbaland feat. OneRepublic
"Slow Show" ~ The National (side note: definitely one of the BEST SONGS of the DECADE)
"Shut Up and Let Me Go" ~ The Ting Tings
"New York, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down" ~ LCD Soundsystem
"Electric Feel" ~ MGMT
"What Goes Around.../...Comes Around Interlude" ~ Justin Timberlake
"The General Specific" ~ Band of Horses
"The Ice is Getting Thinner" ~ Death Cab for Cutie
"Moon River 1961" ~ Henry Mancini
"Reasons to Sing" ~ The Crash
Taken out of context, this isn't as good, but I remember when I watched this episode for the first time, the use of "Sour Cherry" by The Kills, along with the way it builds, was absolutely PHENOM... This is classic GG here...:
3. Visit ShopGossipGirl.com, where you can shop for specific items featured on the show. Even filter your shopping by episode or character. Bags, dresses, tops, even HEADBANDS. SO. CONVENIENT. Now if only I could afford everything...or, well, anything...
4. Who needs Kristen Bell when you can take on the role of Gossip Girl yourself? Send text-message narrations to your friends/frenemies beginning with "Spotted" and ending with "xoxo, GG" (duh) whenever you see something exciting. Don't forget to keep it clever and coy with fun nicknames/aliases. (Oh, but in the interest of keeping your life stable and your conscience clear, don't be as snarky as the real Gossip Girl. Unnecessary. Wishful Waldorf Watching/Vicarious Van der Woodsen Living is all well and kosher (although I have to question what the heck you're thinking if you'd rather be Serena than Blair, given all of S's idiotic tendencies lately)... but actually modeling your life after theirs consistently is, well, wrong? Pathetic? Definite trouble? The point I'm making: Don't be a mean girl. Don't be a menace.)
5. Have a sleepover. Re-enact Blair's birthday party from season 1. Except don't force the Little J of your friend group to steal clothes from your mother's store. And don't kiss an older guy with a girlfriend and then steal his phone and infuriate his ladyfriend. And don't...OK, well don't do anything the girls did. Let's get real, just have a sleepover, pop some popcorn, watch the episode. Maybe make one of your friends dress like Dorota for good measure?
6. Become a fan of Gossip Girl on Facebook and cyberstalk the wall as you would any of your regular FB friends. Most of the status updates are just about what rerun the CW is airing that night (laaaame) but occasionally there's a hidden treasure or two.
7. Follow my lead and make your computer desktop background look a little more like this:
*Note: Keep it classy with a simple still from the show or promotional cast picture. Fangirl-made "wallpaper" with any sign of Picnik editing, cheesey not-from-the-show quotes, or little hearts drawn around Nate/anyone else? Not okay. Respectability is what we aim for, ladies.
8. Check out What Chuck Wore to get one viewer's hilarious takes on what our dear Bass Jr. might have thought/said in certain situations/distinctively Chuck-y outfits.
9. If you're really feeling crafty/generous/industrious, invent an iPhone app for the rest of us that allows you to speak in Chuck Bass's voice. Like the "I am T-Pain" app that lets you hear yourself in AutoTune synchronized with "I'm on a Boat" and other TP musical masterpieces. I saw this idea suggested in New York Magazine and haven't been able to get it out of my head since. I'd pay an embarrassing amount for an app like that. How. Cool.
10. Ok, let's be real. Nothing will help you more than just popping in the DVD's. Buy seasons 1 and 2 on DVD (renting/iTunes purchasing are for lame-o's who won't let their obsession rule their lives).
11. ...OK, let's be REALER... NOTHING will completely cure the heartache and LUST we feel in the absence of our beloved Upper East Siders *UNTIL* they return on March 8th. Weep if you must. We're in for a long two months.
You know you love me. XOXO...
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